Peachy Keen

The fact that Topshop catergorizes this as a "Playsuit" is almost cute enough in and of itself to make me want it.

I think the color is really cool and could be flattering on a lot of different skin tones.  But then I remember that I swore off jumpsuits after that time in 8th grade during my palazzo pants jumpsuit phase where I came thiiiiiiiis close to peeing my pants at school because it took so long to get fully undressed in order to go to the bathroom.  Also I have a super long torso, so I am pretty sure that if I tried to pull off this little number, I would be tugging it out of my nether regions all day long.

Why, oh why, can't this just be a cute wrap dress?

le peach

Pop Music as Spoken Word Poetry

So one of the highlights of being back in So Cal after a 7 year stint in NYC is having a car, and thus a reason to listen to new music on the radio.  Which brings me to this gem: Peacock by Katy Perry.  This song is so ridiculous, I almost can't believe it exists.  I also think its much funnier if you imagine it being read as spoken word poetry.  So sit back, relax and read this in your head (or out loud, if you'd like) in the voice of William Shatner:



 

"Who, me?"



 I wanna see your peacock, cock, cock

Your peacock, cock

Your peacock, cock, cock

Your peacock

I wanna see your peacock, cock, cock

Your peacock, cock

Your peacock, cock, cock

Your peacock

"No thanks, I'm not really in the mood"





Word on the street,
you got somethin' to show me, ee

Magical, colorful, Mr. Mystery, ee

I'm intrigued, for a peek, Heard it's fascinating





"C'est What?!?!"

Words are mislead

Such a tease

Wanna see the show

In 3D, a movie

Heard it's beautiful

Be the judge

And my girls gonna take a bow



I want the jaw droppin, eye popin, head turnin, body shockin

(Uh, uh, oh, Uh, uh, uh, oh)

I want my heart throbbin, ground shakin, show stoppin, amazin

(Uh, uh, oh, Uh, uh, uh, oh)

"What's wrong with chicken?"



Are you brave enough to let me see your peacock?

Don't be a chicken boy, stop acting like a beeotch

I'ma peace out if you don't give me the pay off



Come on baby let me see

What you're hiding underneath

Are you brave enough to let me see your peacock?



What you're waiting for, it's time for you to show it off

Don't be a shy kinda guy I'll bet it's beautiful

Come on baby let me see

Whatchu hidin' underneath

"Here I am ladies"



I wanna see your peacock, cock, cock

Your peacock, cock

Your peacock, cock, cock

Your peacock

I wanna see your peacock, cock, cock







Nothing Says "I Love You, Mom" like Tits and Ass

So I was watching my lady shows in real time last night (grey's anatomy and private practice, don't judge) thereby forcing myself to watch all the lady-focused commercials that the producers thought would appeal to me based on my questionable taste in tv shows. And since in the year 2010 Christmastime apparently starts well before Thanksgiving, Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman came on to hawk her line of Crap Mall Jewelry You Can Buy For Your Mom.



Exhibit A



From this collection, I give you Exhibit A.  This necklace reminds me of a buxom gal sitting (in the nude, of course) on the edge of a bathtub and looking coyly over her shoulder.  For some reason, every time I see this necklace, I just see a big round ass.  I can't help it. 

Now, I don't know about you, but the last thing I want hanging around the neck of the sweet gal that brought me into this world is something that makes me think of naked ladies. 



Exhibit B



Let's take a look at Exhibit B. 

i can haz burlesque now?!

no, honey, not yet.  Burlesque doesn't open 'til wednesday.

So hold on to your sequined tap pants and your invisible bowler hat (or your visible bowler hat if you are one miss xtina aguilera) because you are going to have to wait a few days.

Now I know what you might be thinking: Burlesque?! the movie that looks like Chicago and Coyote Ugly mated and then their offspring built a time machine and went back in time and mated with Cabaret?!?  that looks like a star-studded crapfest of epic proportions!  Well, you are probably right.  But, whatever, I am excited to see it regardless.  It's just jam-packed with too many of my favorite things to miss it: cher! sequins! alan cumming! the dad from The O.C.! and his eyebrows! julianne hough! shitloads of black eyeliner! feathers! mcsteamy! ... and did I mention bowler hats?

If all of those exclamation marks didn't get you excited, you have 5 days to work yourself into a frenzy... starting now.

I love you, I need you

Is it wrong to want to marry a dress?  I know it's not legal. yet. but if this girl could marry a dress, and was only allowed to pick from dresses under $30, there is a good chance that this would be the dress I pick:

I love the subtle sweetheart neckline, and of course, the gold sequins.  Yeah, so this isn't an everyday office-to-happy-hour dress.  It's more like new years eve meets first day workin' a very classy street corner. and it speaks to me. it makes me hear Taylor Swift songs in my head.  and it's $27.80.  respect.

Gold Dust Woman

One time, in hell's kitchen...

So one time, I was at a bar in Hell's Kitchen (lord knows why), when my friend and I found a discarded bag full of oversize LEATHER hair bows much like this lovely little number:

So we each put one on and then had an impromptu photo shoot because we were so pleased with ourselves.  Luckily, neither of us contracted head lice or anything else unsavory from our little hair-venture.  We left the rest of the bows where we found them, and now, apparently, they have made their way over to shop bop.  Now you too can own one of these lovely little numbers for the reasonable price of $88. 

These bows really pull together any holiday party outfit... provided the theme of said holiday party is Christmastime on the Mormon Fundamentalist Compound or To Catch a Predator, Christmas Edition (which may or may not be the same thing).  Either way, you'll be a pretty addition to next year's Joy Book for sure.

Bow Time

Hi Jenn!

So this isn't a very meaningful post.  I just wanted to give a shout out to Jenn An who appears to be taking a cue from Fourth Grade Me circa 1990 when I thought it would be cool to try out some big fake glasses.  It was very short lived, I am pretty sure I started feeling self conscious about how lame I looked and shoved them in my backpack before the school bus pulled up to whisk me off to Nerd School. 

Back to Jenn.  I actually think she looks lovely in these glasses, but maybe I am just distracted by her pretty hair.  it's hard to say.

thanks, gawker