Forever Fridays: Fat Sloppy Weirdo Edition

So... I want to look like a fat, sloppy weirdo... also I want to look cheap... what do you have?

Oh, good. I was worried I was going to have to walk over to Charlotte Russe.

get it while it's hot!

Bah ha ha

Words.  There are no words for this.  I am at a loss.

get it girl.

Oh Federal Government, You're So Silly: Street Sign Capitalization

Sooo this seems like a huge waste of tax dollars.  The Federal Government just passed a new law requiring all street signs in America to follow standard rules of capitalization by 2018.  

This seems really stupid since almost all street signs I have ever seen anywhere are all caps.  In most contexts, caps lock is stupid.  However for some things, like titles to legal documents and, well, street signs, using all caps is totally reasonable.

via NY Mag

Trends I Cannot Get Behind: Maxi Skirts

Ugh.  Come on people.  Maxi skirts like this Ella Moss monstrosity at ShopBop might be comfortable, but they are not figure flattering on any soul who inhabits this planet.  I am pretty sure they are less flattering than sweat pants.  So unless you are some sort of religious fundamentalist or having a Reality Bites themed party, let's just go ahead and let this one pass quietly in the night.

Really?

Britney's Backstage Beauty Secrets (Surprisingly No Mention of McDonalds, Cigarettes or Starbucks)

So over at Allure they just posted an article about Britney Spears' backstage "beauty secrets."  Naturally, I clicked on the link to see what they could possibly have to say. I am drawn to Britney news much like I am drawn to pics of 3 legged chihuahua puppies.  They are both cute, but sad and kinda fucked up and make me ask God: "If you are out there, why did you let this happen?"

Anyhow, the article was pretty boring and didn't say anything notable except that they use men's concealer on her. MEN'S CONCEALER!  First things first.  Men's concealer exists.  Ok, fine, its 2011 and everyone probably could use a little concealer on their wedding day, so I get it.  Second. Why does Britney need men's concealer?  5 o'clock shadow? Razor burn?  I understand that you need to use much stronger makeup for the stage than real life, but it seems weird to me that there were no female concealers strong enough for La Brit. 

Someone should probably alert ProActiv.

Ew. Just Ew.

It must be wtf-Tuesday today.  Look at these weird ass shoes.

According to Zappos, these are "ideal for a wide range of activities including running, barefoot training, treadmill workouts, walking, water sports, dance, yoga and casual wear."  What's that you say? Casual wear.... Interesting.  I am trying to imagine what the look on my face would be if I ever encountered someone on the street casually wearing these shoes.  I think there would be a lot of eyebrow action involved.

I also am having a lot of trouble wrapping my head around the whole barefoot running thing.  Maybe it's me, but I need a serious amount of bounce in my running shoes and I really start to notice a difference  in my feet and joints as my running shoes get older and lose their bounce.  Maybe I am just genetically inferior or not naturally suited to running.  That would explain quite a lot.

Arnold is a Piece of Shit

Literally.  He is a piece of shit.  TMZ reports that he has been wearing this tacky ass shirt made by Maria's staff as a joke.  This idiot was our governor!!!

Now, for the record, I must admit that I sometimes have the tendency to think that when a man is cheating, there is probably some room to share the blame with his main lady.  I.e. she is probably a frigid bitch.  Sorry Hillary, but I am talking about you here.  And maybe Maria was a frigid bitch and that's why Arnold strayed.  But regardless, I think that Arnold's decision to wear this shirt in public, modified to say 1977-2010, the span of their relationship, is just too tacky for words.  

Also he needs to be called out on wearing those bike shorts.  You are a grown ass man.  No bike shorts unless your ass is connected to a bike seat!

Also, Arnold, you have fat saggy knees.  Eff You!

Dear God ShopBop; Lady Business Part II

Ok, so I love a bow as much as any other gal.  Maybe more.  And maybe (definitely) I am a pervo, but my dear ShopBop, this has got to stop:

 

My first problem is that this "bow" looks like lady parts.  My second problem with these pantos cortos is that I can't imagine that a fabric F.U.P.A. is flattering on any gal, no matter how skinny minnie she may be. My third  and final problem with these shorts is that, if I can manage to put the pervo side of my brain to rest for a little while, this uh... adornment just looks more like fancy curtains than a bow.  Like a little valance for your crotch.  Now, in the year 2011, valances aren't even in style in houses let alone crotches (unless you live in a fabulous palace, then you should totally go for it).

Oh one more final final complaint about these shorts: they are $246.00 U.S. Dollars.  Seriously.  I am officially of the opinion that short pants should never cost more then $240.  There has to be a line somewhere.

Sometimes I wonder if the gals over at ShopBop are laughing as much as I  am at some of the ridiculous shit they sell.  Where do they expect a gal to where these shorts?  A night on the town? The office?  The beach?  All of those seem like pretty bad choices to me.

Lady Business

So I was just thinking.  What I really need for the fall is a top that is cute and comfy and pink...

... and has a giant lady part on the back.

Oh, cool.  I found just the thing. I actually like the drapeyness at the back of the neck and the button detail.  It's too bad they don't offer this top without a coochie tail.


really, shopbop?

Winky Boobs

Hi there.  I couldn't help but notice you were kinda giving me the eye...

Even this poor model looks slightly embarrassed and defeated on account of this shirt.  Chin up girl, at least you are getting good exposure.  One day you will look back on this fondly and laugh to your friend, Unemployed Ex-Model #2, and say "Hey, remember that time I wore eyes on my boobs."

Buy it?

The jury is out...

When I first saw this dress, it made me crinkle my eyebrows in wtf-ness.  I had to click on it to get a better look.  The longer I stared at it the more interesting I found it... like some cuckoo project runway outfit that's half awesome half flaming disaster.  I feel like this looks a little bit like it's made out of Fraulein Maria's window curtains from the abbey (a step down from the fancy pants curtains she found at the Von Trapp Estate).  And the bows are a little twee and the hiked up part in the front reminds me of some lady who got her dress tucked in her pantyhose at church when I was a wee young lass (sidenote: can we all praise the lord that pantyhose are essentially extinct).  But something about it just speaks to me.  Maybe I have finally lost it.

Thoughts?

Get a closer look?

So this is really gonnna happen, huh?

So I previously warned you about some really frightening bell bottom action on ShopBop.  Now it looks like 7 For All Mankind is really running with it. Great.

See for yourself.

All I Want For Christmas...

...Is a pair of $900 leather sweatpants.  The tight-at-the-ankle type.  Maybe 2011 is Hammertime?



See it for yourself...

Forever Fridays

Welcome to my first official Forever Fridays post.  Friday is a very special day of the week.  And you know what is also special? Forever 21.  I remember a very special day, way back in the 1990's, when a very special new store opened up at the Mainplace Mall in Santa Ana.  This very special store was the World's First Forever 21.  Well... it probably wasn't the world's first Forever 21, but it was definitely the first Forever in my life.  At the time, this store seemed like any other Junior's Clothing Store. You know, like Wet Seal, Contempo Casuals, Charlotte Russe.  What I didn't know back then was that this store was part of a revolution.  A life changing revolution.  A Disposable Clothesables Revolution.  A way of life.  Where else can you get a knockoff of some designer dress or some hoochie going out top for $5.60 or $8.40? (Editor's note: this was many years before H&M, the Ikea of Clothes and another great source of disposable knockoff clothing, came in to my life, and even H&M can't compete with the awesomely disposableness that is Forever)

So anyway, what is Forever Fridays?  Forever Fridays is a salute to this revolutionary and groundbreaking retail establishment, its hits and its misses, its daring risks and its wt-mother-effs.  And, in the spirit of wt-mother-eff, I give you the following:

"Oh, Hi. I seem to have lost my bunny prozac.  Can you help me find it? I started looking for it, but then I got distracted thinking about how my dress could totally be cuter and more flattering if the stripes in the bottom were all zig zaggy like the top part of the dress.  or if it fit better.  now I'm tired and feeling a little hopeless about life.  at least it was only $22.80"

Sad Bunny Dress

* and yes, I know that it is not technically Friday yet... but I just couldn't wait.

xoxo,

SIS